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2016.04.11 22:18

'살아보니 그런 것 같다'

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살아보니 그런 것 같다.
좀 바보 같은 친구가 오래 남는다는 것과
그 바보 같은 친구도 쉽게 생각하는 순간 떠난다는 것. 

돈이 전부가 아니라는 것과 
돈이 많아지는 만큼, 외로움도 커진다는 것. 

사랑은 할수록 모르겠다는 것과,
진심으로 사랑할 수 있었을 때는 
내 주제를 몰랐을 때 가능했다는 것. 

인생을 행복하게 사는 방법은 알지만,
그렇게 살기엔 나는 너무 멀리 왔다는 것. 

이제 내 행복의 기준은 남의 시선으로 충족된다는 사실과,
그럴수록 진심 어린 사랑을 할 수 없게 된다는 것.

남들 눈에 멋진 애인
남들 눈에 멋진 차
남들 눈에 멋진 생활
남들 눈에 멋진 직업 

진짜 행복은 
늘어지게 자고 초췌한 모습으로 일어난 토요일 오후,
이런 모습을 사랑스럽다 말해주며,
내가 어제 먹고 싶다 했던 김치찌개를 해주는 사람이 옆에 있는 것인데. 

결국, 우린 벗어나질 못할 것이다.
앞으로도 남의 시선을 위해 살아가게 될 것이고,
남들 시선에 부응하기 위해서 
물건들을 사서 입고, 타고, 모을 테지만 

언젠가는 알아차리겠지
지금 내가 살고 있는 삶은 
단순히 관심이 부족해서,
나를 봐달라는 몸부림이었다는 것을. 

돌아갈 수나 있을까?
그러기엔 너무 많이 가져버렸나.

- 손씨의 지방시 '이래서 나에게 와서 핀 꽃은 모두 시들어버렸다' 중에서 -

글쓴이 Nemesis님의 최신글
  1. 2021-01-18 10:17 이야기 > 'CGV에서 게임하기' 이벤트 후기들이 올라왔네요. *2
  2. 2021-01-16 21:47 이야기 > 이런 방법으로 협동게임을 해봤더니 너무 웃기네요 ㅋㅋ *6
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  • profile
    Toph 2016.04.11 22:46

    오늘도 이렇게 늙어갑니다 ..

     

    우리 모두 늙어가겠지만 .. 저는 조금 느렸으면 싶네요 ..


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일상 '복면검사'라는 KBS 수목드라마 나름 재미지네요ㅎㅎㅎ file ReignX 05.21 246 0
일상 '살아보니 그런 것 같다' 1 Nemesis 04.11 176 13
일상 '어벤져스 2' 추가 영상이 공개되었네요 ^^ 1 ReignX 03.20 401 0
일상 '채피' 어제 밤에 달려가서 보고 왔습니다. 1 file ReignX 03.13 699 0
일상 '치맥' 열풍으로 닭고기 수입량 사상 최대 같이가자 11.28 2250 1
일상 '치즈 인 더 트랩'이라는 웹툰이 드라마로.... 1 file ReignX 05.21 406 0
일상 '크림빵 뺑소니' 피의자 자수…"사고 당시 음주운전" nameGT 01.30 352 1
일상 (12MB, 스압주의) 휴가철 여행 다녀왔습니다. 3 file RuTel 08.03 170 6
일상 (과자) 본의아니게 낚임 12 file RuTel 11.21 341 7
일상 (나름 쉬운)도전과제 올 클리어 2 file Jocho 04.11 358 4
일상 (노스포) 스타트랙 비욘드 보고 왔습니다. 3 file RizeWave 08.24 221 6
일상 (노스포) 스파이더맨: 뉴유니버스 추천드립니다 6 코코넛먹자 12.12 607 9
일상 (데이터주의) 오랜만에 시장을 갔습니다. 6 file RuTel 02.24 323 8
일상 (데이터주의) 인간은 얼마나 작은 존재인가... 6 file Nemesis 02.14 378 11
일상 (맛없는 사진) 어제 먹은 짬뽕 5 file RuTel 12.19 121 6
일상 (먹짤 스테프 핫도그) 4 file RuTel 12.14 308 9
일상 (먹짤 있음) 니취팔로마? 1 file RuTel 10.04 518 5
일상 (먹짤 첨부) 추버요 4 file RuTel 10.01 215 5
일상 (먹짤) 고기집왔습니다 4 file RuTel 08.04 371 5
일상 (먹짤) 옆구리가 터졌어요! 4 file RuTel 10.04 122 3
일상 (먹짤) 오랜만에 초밥 2 file RuTel 05.25 135 3
일상 (먹짤) 일하지만 나름 좋은 점심 5 file RuTel 10.03 280 8
일상 (먹짤) 저녁은 오리고기 4 file RuTel 07.21 307 4
일상 (먹짤) 점심은 중국집 4 file RuTel 07.21 448 4
일상 (먹짤있음)어머니와 오랜만에 마트왔습니당 8 file RuTel 03.01 320 8
일상 (먹짤주의) 맛점입니당 3 file RuTel 12.27 195 4
일상 (먹짤주의) 서민의 저녁 2 8 file RuTel 11.22 224 14
일상 (먹짤주의) 소고기/짜파구리 7 file RuTel 02.23 268 8
일상 (먹짤주의)오랜만의 고깃집 8 file RuTel 01.12 431 8
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